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How to Talk so Little Kids Will Listen: A Survival Guide to Life with Children Ages 2-7

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A must-have resource for anyone who lives or works with young kids, with an introduction by Adele Faber, coauthor of How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk, the international mega-bestseller The Boston Globe dubbed “The Parenting Bible.” For over thirty-five years, parents have turned to How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk for its A must-have resource for anyone who lives or works with young kids, with an introduction by Adele Faber, coauthor of How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk, the international mega-bestseller The Boston Globe dubbed “The Parenting Bible.” For over thirty-five years, parents have turned to How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk for its respectful and effective solutions to the unending challenges of raising children. Now, in response to growing demand, Adele’s daughter, Joanna Faber, along with Julie King, tailor How to Talk’s powerful communication skills to children ages two to seven. Faber and King, each a parenting expert in her own right, share their wisdom accumulated over years of conducting How To Talk workshops with parents and a broad variety of professionals. With a lively combination of storytelling, cartoons, and fly-on-the-wall discussions from their workshops, they provide concrete tools and tips that will transform your relationship with the young kids in your life. What do you do with a little kid who…won’t brush her teeth…screams in his car seat…pinches the baby...refuses to eat vegetables…throws books in the library...runs rampant in the supermarket? Organized according to common challenges and conflicts, this book is an essential emergency first-aid manual of communication strategies, including a chapter that addresses the special needs of children with sensory processing and autism spectrum disorders. This user-friendly guide will empower parents and caregivers of young children to forge rewarding, joyful relationships with terrible two-year-olds, truculent three-year-olds, ferocious four-year-olds, foolhardy five-year-olds, self-centered six-year-olds, and the occasional semi-civilized seven-year-old. And, it will help little kids grow into self-reliant big kids who are cooperative and connected to their parents, teachers, siblings, and peers.


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A must-have resource for anyone who lives or works with young kids, with an introduction by Adele Faber, coauthor of How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk, the international mega-bestseller The Boston Globe dubbed “The Parenting Bible.” For over thirty-five years, parents have turned to How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk for its A must-have resource for anyone who lives or works with young kids, with an introduction by Adele Faber, coauthor of How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk, the international mega-bestseller The Boston Globe dubbed “The Parenting Bible.” For over thirty-five years, parents have turned to How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk for its respectful and effective solutions to the unending challenges of raising children. Now, in response to growing demand, Adele’s daughter, Joanna Faber, along with Julie King, tailor How to Talk’s powerful communication skills to children ages two to seven. Faber and King, each a parenting expert in her own right, share their wisdom accumulated over years of conducting How To Talk workshops with parents and a broad variety of professionals. With a lively combination of storytelling, cartoons, and fly-on-the-wall discussions from their workshops, they provide concrete tools and tips that will transform your relationship with the young kids in your life. What do you do with a little kid who…won’t brush her teeth…screams in his car seat…pinches the baby...refuses to eat vegetables…throws books in the library...runs rampant in the supermarket? Organized according to common challenges and conflicts, this book is an essential emergency first-aid manual of communication strategies, including a chapter that addresses the special needs of children with sensory processing and autism spectrum disorders. This user-friendly guide will empower parents and caregivers of young children to forge rewarding, joyful relationships with terrible two-year-olds, truculent three-year-olds, ferocious four-year-olds, foolhardy five-year-olds, self-centered six-year-olds, and the occasional semi-civilized seven-year-old. And, it will help little kids grow into self-reliant big kids who are cooperative and connected to their parents, teachers, siblings, and peers.

30 review for How to Talk so Little Kids Will Listen: A Survival Guide to Life with Children Ages 2-7

  1. 4 out of 5

    Alex

    The basic idea is to acknowledge and validate your toddler's emotions, instead of correcting them, and what's great about this book is I started using its strategies at work and it's going amazing. So instead of saying "You didn't collect user requirements until the week before the due date so it's on your fuckin' ass when this project doesn't launch on time" - see how that sounds really blamey? That nimrod I work with probably felt defensive, right? Instead, I might say, "Boy, you're frustrated The basic idea is to acknowledge and validate your toddler's emotions, instead of correcting them, and what's great about this book is I started using its strategies at work and it's going amazing. So instead of saying "You didn't collect user requirements until the week before the due date so it's on your fuckin' ass when this project doesn't launch on time" - see how that sounds really blamey? That nimrod I work with probably felt defensive, right? Instead, I might say, "Boy, you're frustrated! This project is stressful and it hasn't gone the way you wanted it to!" There are loads of other tips in this terrific book, which btw represents the strategy the wife and I have decided to go with here, so if our kid grows up to be a total asshole it's these peoples' fault. For instance: - Offer a choice. Instead of, "Well, you're certainly not getting all this bullshit," maybe like this: "We could probably do either the shopping interface or the credit card integration; which would you like?" This empowers the dingbat who's been fucking off on this project for weeks. - Express his emotions through fantasy. "I bet you wish these specs would have written themselves!" - Try not responding with words at all. Just let them talk their emotions out, and respond with little sounds: "Grr!" "Wow!" - I'm almost certain my own boss used this on me last year, it was super weird but it kindof worked. - Encourage them to draw a picture to describe their feelings, which is what I'm going to try next week with this fucking nincompoop here. I recommend this book for anyone who regularly engages with either toddlers or the sorts of addlepated khaki fillers one runs into in things like jobs and sidewalks. If I'm being totally honest my kid doesn't seem impressed, but my coworkers have actually mentioned that I seem nicer lately. Fuckin' goldfish.

  2. 4 out of 5

    Rachel

    Before reading this book: *3 y/o spills milk on the floor intentionally* Me (pissed): "What are you DOING? We TOLD you to drink your milk at the table. Now look what happened. You made a mess! Go get a towel and clean it up!" 3 y/o: *nonchalantly walks out of the room* -- 10 minutes of cajoling, threats and tears ensue... -- After reading this book: *3 y/o spills milk on the floor intentionally* Me (concerned voice): "Oh. There's milk on the floor." 3 y/o: *silently walks into kitchen, gets towel, start Before reading this book: *3 y/o spills milk on the floor intentionally* Me (pissed): "What are you DOING? We TOLD you to drink your milk at the table. Now look what happened. You made a mess! Go get a towel and clean it up!" 3 y/o: *nonchalantly walks out of the room* -- 10 minutes of cajoling, threats and tears ensue... -- After reading this book: *3 y/o spills milk on the floor intentionally* Me (concerned voice): "Oh. There's milk on the floor." 3 y/o: *silently walks into kitchen, gets towel, starts cleaning up* Me (to self): "What black magic is this?!?!!!!1!!!" I already want to re-read this book, or at least copy some of the pages listing tools for parents. I have an almost-4-year-old, and this book really hit home for a lot of the issues we have been dealing with -- bedtime struggles, tantrums, difficulty getting out the door, etc. One thing I realized from reading this book is how many commands we issue to our son on a daily basis. As an experiment, I tried not using a single command for a day or two. I slipped up here and there, but overall I found that it really encouraged new, more respectful ways for me to communicate with my son. And what I learned is this: Commands don't work! As a parent I am above all a pragmatist. When it comes to problems and conflicts, I just want to know what works. Yes, of course I want to be a loving parent, and acknowledge my kid's feelings, and all that, but at the end of the day I just want the kid to go tf to sleep! So here's what does work: Truly empathizing. Giving information. Presenting choices. Being playful. Being playful. BEING PLAYFUL!!! Yes, it feels like work to muster up the energy for silliness sometimes, but IT WORKS. Just tonight my kid was having an epic bedtime tantrum, in and out of bed, sitting up in bed, crying... and I was just trying to get him to put his. freaking. head. on. the. pillow. Finally instead of negotiating, asking, threatening, etc., I remembered how he loves this show where they break everything down into "Three Special Steps." So I said, "Okay. There are three special steps for going to sleep. Step One. Put your head on the pillow. Step two. Pull up the covers. What's step three? Eat ice cream?" He immediately got under the covers with his head on the pillow, and started giggling. It was like a switch had flipped. We spent a minute or two talking about ridiculous suggestions for what Step Three could be: Eating breakfast, walking on the ceiling, going to the library, etc... and then he calmly settled down for bed. Again, MAGIC! Or no, just being playful. "How to Talk so Little Kids Will Listen" is in the same realm as Laura Markham's "Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids," but has better hands-on examples, spending less time on the "why" and more on the "how." If you have a lot of parenting "baggage" from your own childhood that you're personally working through, Markham's book might be a good place to start, but I preferred this book for its extreme usefulness. My favorite quote from the book -- which I will have to paraphrase because I didn't write it down -- is: We're all exhausted anyway, so rather than being irritated and exhausted, let's be silly and exhausted. Hear, hear.

  3. 4 out of 5

    Kaytee Cobb

    Oh, man. This might be the most empowering parenting book I've read about the age and stage of parenting that I (and most of my friends) am currently in! This collection first gives you the information and tools (in part one), along with myriad examples of what those tools look like in action. And then, in part two, they dive into specific situations and examples and how to use those tools to deal with tough behaviors. The authors also acknowledge that parents get ANGRY sometimes, and sometimes Oh, man. This might be the most empowering parenting book I've read about the age and stage of parenting that I (and most of my friends) am currently in! This collection first gives you the information and tools (in part one), along with myriad examples of what those tools look like in action. And then, in part two, they dive into specific situations and examples and how to use those tools to deal with tough behaviors. The authors also acknowledge that parents get ANGRY sometimes, and sometimes even yell, but it doesn't have to lead to damaging your relationship with your child when done in the right way. In the six days it took me to read this book, I started using the tools and tips immediately. This morning, when the boys got into a bit of a scuffle, my oldest used his words to identify his feelings instead of lashing out at his younger brother. It was a breakthrough! Not only are they working for my kiddos, they are absorbing the information and it's helping to make their relationship better! I feel like this one will go on my list of "parenting books to recommend to all the friends" from here on out.

  4. 4 out of 5

    Isak

    I really DON'T APPRECIATE being shown so reasonably how much of what I thought I knew is actually wrong. I am also VERY ANNOYED to find some of the methods this book teaches working IMMEDIATELY when I tried them. Five stars.

  5. 4 out of 5

    Dave

    This was extremely useful - highly recommended for parents of small kids. I found a lot of tips which seemed useful, and was often surprised by how smoothly they worked in real life. A few times after defusing annoying situations surprisingly easily, I turned around to my wife and pointed at myself with a smug look, like "check out the skills on this guy"! Each section of the book tackles a different problem area, e.g. "food" (when kids refuse to eat etc) or "mornings" (how to get kids out of the This was extremely useful - highly recommended for parents of small kids. I found a lot of tips which seemed useful, and was often surprised by how smoothly they worked in real life. A few times after defusing annoying situations surprisingly easily, I turned around to my wife and pointed at myself with a smug look, like "check out the skills on this guy"! Each section of the book tackles a different problem area, e.g. "food" (when kids refuse to eat etc) or "mornings" (how to get kids out of the house in a somewhat reasonable timeframe - God knows I needed this one). The sections each have their own individual lessons, but there is useful repetition of basic concepts across sections, e.g. acknowledging your child's feelings ("You really wanted to keep watching TV, didn't you?"). This repetition of the basic concepts helps cement the lessons. The book is full of descriptions of real situations, complete with dialogue - this is very helpful in figuring out how the lessons apply concretely in real life.

  6. 5 out of 5

    Brittany

    This book is a game-changer. It has forced me to stop, think and evaluate why I talk to kids (especially my own) the way I do and how it could be tweaked and made so much better and more effective. It's a dense read, but it's packed with many real-life examples and multiple different scenarios and synopses that while helpful, could also be glossed over. Most importantly, it is a powerful tool in communicating in general and not necessarily just with little kids. Because it's about assuming the p This book is a game-changer. It has forced me to stop, think and evaluate why I talk to kids (especially my own) the way I do and how it could be tweaked and made so much better and more effective. It's a dense read, but it's packed with many real-life examples and multiple different scenarios and synopses that while helpful, could also be glossed over. Most importantly, it is a powerful tool in communicating in general and not necessarily just with little kids. Because it's about assuming the positive and acknowledging feelings. It's about being playful and imaginative and offering choices. And it's about problem solving and working together. I think this book is so necessary that after finishing it, I immediately flipped back to the beginning and read the first two chapters over again. The lessons learned are forever embedded in the back of my mind and the positive outcomes are far-reaching.

  7. 5 out of 5

    alwz

    So this book had good examples of how to actually implement things I've read in other books (Lansbury, et al) but with actual practical steps for implementation, and a real awareness that parenting little kids is damn hard and we there is no magic bullet that will make our kids into angels or give us the patience of saints- but that parenting in a respectful, gentle way can actually be done, with little kids, without me having a personality transplant.

  8. 5 out of 5

    Anthony Keys

    I gave it three stars, even though some of the tips were really good and effective with my son. Unfortunately, there is no "right" way to parent and emotions do get involved when you are upset. The "no consequences" approach is still hard for this blue collar boy to digest, but I would recommend parsing out pieces from this book. Read it and take what you need when dealing with your kid.

  9. 4 out of 5

    Zara

    This was pretty excellent. The book is organized clearly, the writing is accessible and enjoyable, and the tone is not obnoxiously judgmental, which I've come across in some other parenting books. I actually feel like I'm walking away with useful tools and language to use with my 3 year old.

  10. 5 out of 5

    Courtney Squire

    I WAS BLIND, BUT NOW I SEE!! This book has changed EVERYTHING! Before reading this book, I thought I was a good parent, and maybe I was. But I don’t want to be just a “good” parent. I want to be an amazing one. Ever since picking up this book I feel like my eyes have been opened and my perspective on parenting has completely changed for the better. This book really is a survival guide. I feel like I can now thrive in life with my child, whereas before this book, it was all just a big struggle. The I WAS BLIND, BUT NOW I SEE!! This book has changed EVERYTHING! Before reading this book, I thought I was a good parent, and maybe I was. But I don’t want to be just a “good” parent. I want to be an amazing one. Ever since picking up this book I feel like my eyes have been opened and my perspective on parenting has completely changed for the better. This book really is a survival guide. I feel like I can now thrive in life with my child, whereas before this book, it was all just a big struggle. They describe helpful tools to use for parenting in every chapter. They include cute comics in the chapters to help you remember the tools you were just taught. And I love how much emphasis they put into acknowledging children’s feelings. It is the most important tool to use and it is the most overlooked one. When your child is upset, they need their feelings acknowledged so they feel heard and understood. “It’s hard having to get out of your comfy bed to go to school in the mornings.” When children’s feelings are acknowledged it will solve a lot of your problems already and it will also build a foundation of trust between you and your child. From what I’ve experienced so far, I can see the tools working their magic on my own child. One time, my husband was working in his office upstairs and it was vital that he had a few hours of being alone to finish his work. So I was playing with our son downstairs and he really wanted to show Daddy what he made out of his play doh. It looked like a Pokémon and he looked really proud of it. I explained that Daddy had to work but he can show it to him when Daddy was finished. When I turned my back on him for two seconds, he bolted up the stairs towards the office. I yelled his name “HENRY!” And heard him stop in his tracks on the staircase. I caught up to him and I saw that he had tears in his eyes. Normally I would have scolded him. “I told you Daddy was working and you didn’t listen! If you don’t listen, then I’ll have to take something away!” But instead of doing this, I bit my tongue and sympathized with him. “Is it sad that Daddy needs to work?” My son nodded his head feebly and said “Yeah.” My mama heart hurt to see him so sad so I told him that I’d check on Daddy to see if he’s busy. And after that, my son bounded downstairs with hope and fortunately my husband was able to come down for two minutes and see his son’s really cool play doh creation. There was no need to punish my son, or make him feel bad for wanting to show off his creation to his Daddy. My son ALWAYS takes forever to eat his dinner. It’s a constant battle with him. I’m always telling him “Eat another bite of your food.” “Three more bites.” “Why are you taking so long to eat?” “You can’t just drink juice, you need food too.” It’s gotten exhausting. But I used a tool where I was playful with him. I made dinner into a game and said “I don’t think you can eat your potatoes before me!” So then it was whoever could eat their potatoes first. I let him win of course, which made him absolutely thrilled. He also cleaned off his plate, which NEVER happens! And even more astonishing, he even reached for seconds! I had a proud mama moment. This book has honestly saved me. I know to acknowledge my child’s feelings, be playful, and problem solve, and so much more. Reading this book, I’ve felt really guilty. All the things in this book that they’re telling you NOT to do, are exactly what I was doing before. I was using rewards, I was using threats, I was using the timeout corner. I was using all these different methods and still pulling my hair out because they weren’t working. But I love how this book also sympathizes with the parents. The authors are parents as well and have been in your shoes. They tell you that it’s okay to be angry from time to time, it only means you’re human. They reassure you that it’s not too late to instill these new rules to create a more loving and trusting household. I feel like shouting from the rooftops! “I’VE FOUND IT! I’VE FINALLY FOUND IT! THE SURVIVAL GUIDE TO PARENTING!” I want to tell every single parent I know about this book. I want everyone’s lives to be easier because of this book. I want this book to help change parenting in people’s homes the way it did for mine. I want others to feel the relief of FINALLY having some answers on what you should really do! Thank you so much Joanna Faber and Julie King. You two are true experts and I will use your parenting methods from now on. Because of you, my child won’t resent me when I put him in the corner. He and I will be problem solving buddies whenever something goes south. I already feel as though I can be more playful and happy and comfortable with him. I truly am grateful.

  11. 5 out of 5

    Sarah

    This book was just the kick in the pants I needed. I feel like my parenting was slowly devolving and reading this gave me concrete strategies to implement that are in line with my values. I had read How to Talk so Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk a few years ago and loved it. I appreciate how this one focuses on the younger years, the depths of which I am currently muddling through. Highly recommend!

  12. 5 out of 5

    Jannah (Cloud Child)

    February 2019 Just reread this and I loved it again. I forgot how easy to read how straightforward it was with no unnecessary paragraphs to skim past and you can use the tips straight away. Everything that was there was concise and worthwhile to not skip. I'm not a huge non fiction reader and take ages to finish a nf book, constantly stopping and starting, no matter how good the subject or how well written it is. But this was just such an easy read, I kept coming back for more. In now a parent to February 2019 Just reread this and I loved it again. I forgot how easy to read how straightforward it was with no unnecessary paragraphs to skim past and you can use the tips straight away. Everything that was there was concise and worthwhile to not skip. I'm not a huge non fiction reader and take ages to finish a nf book, constantly stopping and starting, no matter how good the subject or how well written it is. But this was just such an easy read, I kept coming back for more. In now a parent to a very "rambunctious" 1 year old and halfway through another pregnancy (yes yes I know lol) and the topics at hand were so relevant and necessary even though my son isn't 2 yet, these are habits and tips I could start to implement from now, to be able to get across when he does vocalise. He already is becoming very independent and Ive struggled a LOT in the last couple months to not absolutely lose it several times a day. I feel like 5 days of the week I end up losing my temper over something absolutely silly because I've tried to be patient for an extended period of time. Also pregnancy hormones lol.. Rereading this made me realise where I was going wrong in my perspective and subsequent attitude (still think I have a long way to go but self awareness is key) and also helped me literally change my behaviour with my son as I read the book. It made me see him as a person, rather than an annoying pest and I actually got down on his level much much more frequently to play and "converse" with him and have fun with him than I have done in a while. I feel like I need to make this a regular habit of reading and referring to it or at least printing out the cliff notes of each chapter for referral. It made me think of how I communicate with people in general not just my baby. All in all HIGHLY recommend this as a parenting resource and also for working with little ones. December 2017 The full 5 stars.. I was contemplating taking a star down for several reasons however as an overall its worth the read and a definite keeper. I think it definitely did it's best to tailor to younger children whose brains and development levels were not quite yet at the level yet to reason always, and needed a little more creative thinking. Let me get the niggles out of the way first: + I read this right after How to talk so Kids will listen & Listen so kids will talk and my edition had a very big section of introduction to this book. Therefore I really should have realised that I would initially get a bit of repetition. Especially so soon after reading the same thing. It did annoy me that many things were covered again here. BUT I realised that if you want the book as a whole those steps are necessary. + Secondly one particular parent, out of the group of parents who lent their voices for group discussions, was annoying to read. She would constantly be the negative party pooper. However... I realised that that was kind of the point. If you are going to put forth ideas, there needs to be the side which negates them otherwise you would be asking those angry defensive negative questions yourself and feeling a bit hopeless when they weren't answered. I just found her bloody annoying though. I did start to see that overall it was a constructive thing. So.. The niggles were just that. Onto the good stuff As with the previous book, this is split into chapters for different categoric behaviour and situations, with an intro, a discussion of the parental frustrations and then ideas on how to tackle it. To aid this there are helpful cartoon illustrations of situations showing what what we usually do and the examples of what different things we could do to improve the situation. This is followed by 2 to 3 example stories from the parents of what worked and sometimes things that went differently than expected. And after every section is a helpful clear cut reminder list which is great to copy out so I bookmarked these. There is also a great section on working with children who may have special or specific needs and different pacing of development and the keys to recognising ability and dealing with children who may have disabilities. This is personally my favourite chapter and as the authors state, your child does not need to be fitting these conditions for you not to benefit and I believe this to be true. It has a couple sections for when the methods just don't work. It accepts that we and the children we care for are human and every one is different, has different needs and reactions. What's great about this book, as with the other, is that it makes it clear that you are not expected to be this magical robot parent. That you have your own feelings and health to consider and that while we need to learn to communicate more on a level of understanding and not damaging the child's feelings or worsening the situation, IF and WHEN we do blow up (and we do) we can go back and fix it. So I highly recommend this as a starting point, more so that its older sister book for newbies and mums to be and anyone who deals with younger children. Its definitely tailored towards it though a few chapters may be only subtly different from the latter here and there.

  13. 4 out of 5

    Kathleen

    I found the book to be redundant (lots of examples given, and advice was repeated). I did enjoy the prevailing message: “listen to and acknowledge your children’s feelings”! The book allowed me to shift my perspective outside of myself... why won’t my children listen to me, why are they acting this way, etc.... and see their view of the world, how they don’t have the language to express themselves, how they have trouble remembering my requests, etc. it was a good reminder to be patient with them I found the book to be redundant (lots of examples given, and advice was repeated). I did enjoy the prevailing message: “listen to and acknowledge your children’s feelings”! The book allowed me to shift my perspective outside of myself... why won’t my children listen to me, why are they acting this way, etc.... and see their view of the world, how they don’t have the language to express themselves, how they have trouble remembering my requests, etc. it was a good reminder to be patient with them and with myself. (Although, I feel as though that could’ve been expressed in a book half the size or even an article.) And I did like the specific example of speaking for your child and saying “she will do that when she feels ready.” This gives your child space and responsibility/control, all while acknowledging her feelings. I’ve found it to be helpful. As a follower of Christ, I could feel the lack of a Christian worldview. I read the book knowing it wasn’t a Christian book, by it was hard to get over the lack of mentioning sin nature and the grace and redemption for sins of both children and parents that can be found in Christ. Also, I found the book’s goal of not punishing your children and its odd way to praise (ie not saying “I’m proud of you”) to be... unattainable, unrealistic, defeating, etc.? I realize this isn’t the authors’ intent and they do give a lot of “but this doesn’t work all the time” caveats.

  14. 5 out of 5

    Carmen Liffengren

    3.5 Stars This is the first parenting book that I've read in years. After spending my early years of parenting dutifully reading parenting books, I realized that I was coming away with lots of conflicting and muddled advice. I remember the moment I revolted against more discipline books. I knew that I was going to have to carve out my own path knowing that raising children is more an art than a science. This book has some sage advice in the simple notion that we must show empathy and "acknowledge 3.5 Stars This is the first parenting book that I've read in years. After spending my early years of parenting dutifully reading parenting books, I realized that I was coming away with lots of conflicting and muddled advice. I remember the moment I revolted against more discipline books. I knew that I was going to have to carve out my own path knowing that raising children is more an art than a science. This book has some sage advice in the simple notion that we must show empathy and "acknowledge feelings." However, the book is often repetitive and thus, overly long. My youngest children, seven year-old twins are almost beyond the scope of this book, but I decided to give it a shot. Faber offers a lot of scenarios to try various tactics from the toolbox, but truly, the biggest gem is that first, as parents, is to acknowledge their feelings. Sometimes, that's half the battle and the means to teaching a child that they are heard. That's something I do already, but this book reminded me to be more consistent. It can be so easy to write off a child's feelings about something parents find silly. My lower rating really is more a reflection of the length of the book and it's structure as a more of a workshop.

  15. 4 out of 5

    Amy

    It is amazing how a bit of talking, some creativity and common sense can make a child do what you want without your blood pressure boiling over when there's an issue. My inspiration for reading this book was a Nextdoor post about a workshop based on it, but I wasn't about to pay the hundreds of dollars to attend it. I was like, let me check out the book at the library (for free) and see what this is all about. After reading this book, I can understand why people would pay money to attend the wor It is amazing how a bit of talking, some creativity and common sense can make a child do what you want without your blood pressure boiling over when there's an issue. My inspiration for reading this book was a Nextdoor post about a workshop based on it, but I wasn't about to pay the hundreds of dollars to attend it. I was like, let me check out the book at the library (for free) and see what this is all about. After reading this book, I can understand why people would pay money to attend the workshop. If it's anything like what is depicted in the book, it'd be kind of like a therapy session, as well. If you're a parent with a child(ren) who are driving you crazy, give this book a read. It is a bit repetitive but sometimes even adults need to be told more than once how to do something before we've mastered it! I've already tried a few of the tools with positive outcomes both on my child and other's people children. Certainly a good book to read to get more tools in your parenting toolbox!

  16. 4 out of 5

    Rama

    I bought this book when my daughter turned 2 and just as the title implies, this book is literally a survival guide for life with kids, the book discusses several problems that any parent struggles with and more importantly it provides you with applicable tools and skills that you can actually use to increase compliance and have a harmonious relationship with your kids, what I love about this book most is that : 1) it gives many examples in each chapter for different situations and behaviors. 2)th I bought this book when my daughter turned 2 and just as the title implies, this book is literally a survival guide for life with kids, the book discusses several problems that any parent struggles with and more importantly it provides you with applicable tools and skills that you can actually use to increase compliance and have a harmonious relationship with your kids, what I love about this book most is that : 1) it gives many examples in each chapter for different situations and behaviors. 2)the order, the format, the narrating and everything is just perfect and amusing so I never found myself bored with it. 3) I thought some of the skills and tools should actually be taught to us as adults too, because they're simple and primary communication skills yet forgotten and ignored. Finally, I must say that this book is not a read/go kind of book, it needs continuous practice and to be used as a resource in order to get the best out of it and although it seems hard to apply at the beginning, it's really a life saver. Absolutely recommend it to everyone !

  17. 4 out of 5

    Sarah

    This was, hands down, the best, most useful parenting book I have ever read. It was honest, empowering, and never did I feel the “Mom guilt” that often comes with other parenting books. I couldn’t stop talking about with my husband, and the tips and ideas are SO EASY to start putting into practice right away. This may become my go-to gift for first time parents; it is on my own list of “books I checked out from the library but absolutely must now own” (which is a short list!).

  18. 4 out of 5

    Bethany

    Excellent. Practical. Highly recommendable. It’s changed the way I talk to my child, with successful outcomes. And each chapter has a summary of strategies so it’s skimmable for busy parents and also a good reference material. Update several months later: I talk about this book to anyone who will listen. It has been game changing for me.

  19. 4 out of 5

    Ange

    This book is genius. I’m a much better parent and happier person because of it. I’m so happy I’ve read it while my daughter is just over 2. I need to buy copies for everyone who will ever have a 2 year old.

  20. 5 out of 5

    Harmony Petty

    I have been a kindergarten teacher for 10 years and have read a variety of books on early childhood, behavior, and classroom management. I really wish I had read this book sooner! Now that I have a two-year-old, I was looking for some books to help me navigate some of the difficult parts of parenting a toddler. This book exceeded my expectations. Part I lays out a myriad of tools and strategies for handling emotions, engaging cooperation, resolving conflict and praise and appreciation. Each chapte I have been a kindergarten teacher for 10 years and have read a variety of books on early childhood, behavior, and classroom management. I really wish I had read this book sooner! Now that I have a two-year-old, I was looking for some books to help me navigate some of the difficult parts of parenting a toddler. This book exceeded my expectations. Part I lays out a myriad of tools and strategies for handling emotions, engaging cooperation, resolving conflict and praise and appreciation. Each chapter concludes by summarizing all of the tools mentioned. Part II goes into further detail by showing the tools in action. The authors discuss all the common early childhood behavior culprits: food, morning routines, shyness, tattling, cleaning up, etc. I found both parts of the book extremely helpful in explaining why the tools are helpful and then showing a plethora of ways they can be used and implemented. My biggest takeaways were that " All feelings can be accepted. Some actions must be limited!" This gave me the confidence to both acknowledge my toddler's feelings and still not allow him to do something. I immediately started trying out the strategies and many of them worked! If they didn't, I simply tried another! The authors' tone is helpful, respectful of parents' feelings, and recognizes that it's not always easy to parent a young child without making the reader feel guilty when we inevitably lose our cool. I have highlighted so much of the book and I plan on coming back to it again and again. Highly recommend!

  21. 4 out of 5

    Erin

    If I could give this book 10 stars, I would do so. It is my new go-to choice for a baby shower gift, and I will be encouraging all my friends and family members who take care of young children to read it, too. This is the most useful, practical, life-changing parenting book I have ever read or heard about! (And I'm a huge fan of Secrets of the Baby Whisperer: How to Calm, Connect, and Communicate with Your Baby by Tracy Hogg, so this is really saying something.) I'm a very concrete thinker m If I could give this book 10 stars, I would do so. It is my new go-to choice for a baby shower gift, and I will be encouraging all my friends and family members who take care of young children to read it, too. This is the most useful, practical, life-changing parenting book I have ever read or heard about! (And I'm a huge fan of Secrets of the Baby Whisperer: How to Calm, Connect, and Communicate with Your Baby by Tracy Hogg, so this is really saying something.) I'm a very concrete thinker much of the time, and the authors have provided example after example after example of real-life stories of parents using these techniques--ordinary, loving, exasperated parents, Just. Like. Me. You can start using the tools as you read them, even if you haven't finished the entire book first, and the results are immediately apparent. Some of it seems so obvious once you read the rationale--I mean, who doesn't need to have their feelings understood and acknowledged in order to regain the emotional space to think? (See Jim Peterson's Why Don't We Listen Better?: Communicating & Connecting in Relationships for more on going "flat-brained.") Other tools or techniques were so creative, I found myself thinking, "What a great idea!" For example, getting kids in on the problem solving by doing things like making a list or chart with pictures of what has to be done, a necessary sequence of events, alternative and acceptable choices, or [fill in your own situation here]. I've already reduced my own tendency to get frustrated with my kids and yell (not eliminated, mind you, and that's addressed at the end...spoiler alert: even the best of parents still get angry sometimes!), which has improved the behavior of everyone in my household. With more practice, I hope to get even better at remembering these tools in the heat of the moment! And frankly, I'm hoping that adjusting my parenting style now will reap additional benefits as my kids grow into teenagers, when my patience will again be sorely tested.

  22. 5 out of 5

    Corina

    Incredibly useful and empowering parenting book. A lot of similar sentiment/strategy to its predecessor (How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk), but less 80s feeling and better examples for the younger kids. Totally resonated with our supposed parenting style, even though we definitely don't follow this all the time (though the authors keep it real and have a chapter on how we all blow it sometimes). Basic idea is that all feelings are valid, but what we do with those feeli Incredibly useful and empowering parenting book. A lot of similar sentiment/strategy to its predecessor (How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk), but less 80s feeling and better examples for the younger kids. Totally resonated with our supposed parenting style, even though we definitely don't follow this all the time (though the authors keep it real and have a chapter on how we all blow it sometimes). Basic idea is that all feelings are valid, but what we do with those feelings is a choice - that is, we acknowledge/name and validate toddler emotions no matter how trivial they seem to us and then from there move to modify behavior through a variety of strategies. Underlying theme is that kids, even young ones, deserve to be treated with respect even if they are acting like banshees, and more-so, treating them with understanding actually helps everyone the most (you're likely to feel better about the interaction and so is your kid). Threatening, punishments, and bribing are out. Instead there are lots of helpful tools, things like: - Naming emotions - Offering a choice - Giving in to fantasy - Using sounds instead of words to mimic feelings - Encouraging them to draw their feelings - Writing things down (ex. wishlist of toys) - Giving information ("I see milk on the floor") - Using the phrase "... the problem is" instead of "but" - Being playful! - etc. etc. Basically a lot of the theory is similar to a lot of other parenting books, but this one does a great job in providing heaps of examples and feels very easy to try implementing immediately. Focus is on the "how" instead of the "why." Highly recommend to all caregivers of toddlers!

  23. 5 out of 5

    Jaime

    I have a four year old, who was three when I read this book, and man, was it necessary. They tell you about the “terrible twos”, but then they keep the biggest secret — THREE IS EVEN WORSE. Three year olds are tiny little terrorists, and I needed all the help I could get to negotiate my way through that year. How to Talk so Little Kids Will Listen gives you lots of simple techniques for communicating with your little kid, whether you’re trying to get them to do something, get them not to do somet I have a four year old, who was three when I read this book, and man, was it necessary. They tell you about the “terrible twos”, but then they keep the biggest secret — THREE IS EVEN WORSE. Three year olds are tiny little terrorists, and I needed all the help I could get to negotiate my way through that year. How to Talk so Little Kids Will Listen gives you lots of simple techniques for communicating with your little kid, whether you’re trying to get them to do something, get them not to do something, or just get along. It is full of real world examples that the authors have culled from the classes they’ve done throughout the years, which I found really helpful. It turns out, your kid probably isn’t unique — there are plenty of others out there doing the same things they are doing. One thing I especially liked is that they summarize each chapter into bullet points at the end. Something you could easily print out and tape to your fridge for reference. So if you too are living with a tiny terrorist, give this book a shot! All you parents out there are doing a good job. Also, age four is SO MUCH BETTER.

  24. 4 out of 5

    AJ Payne

    How to Talk so Kids Will Listen and Listen so Kids Will Talk is one of my favorite parenting books for providing practical tips and examples for interacting with your kids. So, since all my kids are within the "little kid" range I decided to read this one. It's been a few years since I read the precursor, but from what I remember this is a rehashing of most of the same principles with some specific changes that cater to little kids who don't have the interactive/reasoning skills that older kids h How to Talk so Kids Will Listen and Listen so Kids Will Talk is one of my favorite parenting books for providing practical tips and examples for interacting with your kids. So, since all my kids are within the "little kid" range I decided to read this one. It's been a few years since I read the precursor, but from what I remember this is a rehashing of most of the same principles with some specific changes that cater to little kids who don't have the interactive/reasoning skills that older kids have. Certainly lots of good information and tips that I will be implementing (or reinvigorating my implementation of) now, especially with spending so much more time with the kids than I normally do thanks to quarantine.

  25. 5 out of 5

    Mark Collins

    Great book! I was skeptical at first---"acknowledge your kid's feelings? how can I do that without sounding like a patronizing robot?" But the text itself had a lot of great ideas and now I'm excited to put them into practice! This is the first parenting book I've read that actually sounded respectful of your child (as opposed to simply "managing" them)--and forgiving of mistakes! Definitely will recommend to all the parents in my life.

  26. 5 out of 5

    Kirsten

    Fantastic techniques and advice that are applicable in real world situations. The book is written with sympathy and humor and addresses a number of common issues. It also includes information about how to apply the techniques with children who have sensory issues or are otherwise not neurotypical. Great stuff!

  27. 4 out of 5

    Laci Rathbun

    Must read for all parents. Changing the way you speak to and about your children isn’t always easy, but this book outlines tools that help with everything from getting shots to getting out the door on time.

  28. 4 out of 5

    Mary

    "The best way to help a child get over it, is to help him go through it." If you know me well, you know that I do not. Read. Parenting. Books. I had shelves of parenting books as an early Mom, and in a fit of rage when my kid was around 9 or 10 months, I swept them off my shelf and tossed them, frustrated and angry by how helpless I felt trying to parent a small child who fit none of the molds or ideals presented to me in these books. You guys, this book ACTUALLY includes entire chapters devoted "The best way to help a child get over it, is to help him go through it." If you know me well, you know that I do not. Read. Parenting. Books. I had shelves of parenting books as an early Mom, and in a fit of rage when my kid was around 9 or 10 months, I swept them off my shelf and tossed them, frustrated and angry by how helpless I felt trying to parent a small child who fit none of the molds or ideals presented to me in these books. You guys, this book ACTUALLY includes entire chapters devoted to the extra challenges and quirks that come with parenting neurodivergent children. That alone feels like a miracle. But on top of that, the advice is practical and concrete, and though the book looks long, it's efficient--it so nicely pulls together and encapsulates several of the positive/gentle/respectful parenting strategies I have used and appreciated, such as the collaborative problem solving model developed by Ross Green and the problems with parenting via rewards and sticker charts discussed by Alfie Kohn. If you are a parent, or hope to be one, or are soon to be one, this is really the only book you need to read. I honestly mean that.

  29. 4 out of 5

    Ryan Martinsen

    When I remember to use the strategies contained herein things go far more smoothly with the little ones. I will be coming back to this book again and again as a reference.

  30. 4 out of 5

    Garrett

    Interesting and useful techniques for talking to kids. I'll be trying to implement them as I tell children NOT TO RUN IN THE LIBRARY or whatever.

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